Control 2009

So, a few days ago, I turned on my goldenberry, aka blackberry, as part of my usual morning routine to read emails and the news. There was an email from an address I did not recognize. Generally I would just delete but listening to my instinct I opened and read the email. The email was from goldenberry stating that I need to update my password. Questioning the authenticity of it I moved forward anyway. I went to my computer and could not get into my email there either. Same kind of message popped up on the monitor. What in the blazes is going on?

I need my morning fix of emails before starting my day. It matters not to me if its junk or not. Can Daily Candy survive without me reading their daily updates. Surely there is a new fantastic cookware or gadget I need to know about from williams-Sonoma. And most beneficial, I need the latest coupon from Lord & Taylor. It could be 50% off everything in the store, no exclusions. I need everything they have NOW!!

After trying to access my email account a few times (the number of times is not really relevant of my sanity) by repeating the same exercise I figure its time to get pass my crazy loop and move on to solution mode. It did not help following the instruction on my goldenberry. So I went back to the computer and still nothing. OK, what next? Let's try help from Earthlink and see. There is a live chat option so I got Nicholas who was very polite but totally useless because I still could not access my email account at the end of the session.

It became an obsession. I should be getting ready for work instead of freaking out about this situation. At first, I thought it was about not feeling connected with humanity as if I was adrift at sea all alone, this is early morning high drama. But as my frustration increased I had to stop and examine what was going on with me. It was not about feeling out of touch with the world. It was not about isolation. It was about the most basic of emotion, feeling in control.

With some real help from a second live chat session later that morning, situation was solved. My email account was hacked into and it would take up to 24 hours to fix.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Perception and time

Perception and time have been rolling around in my head for a few days. When I was in junior high school the seniors seemed so sophisticated, stylish and knowledgeable. They seem to understand life and where they were going. I looked up to them and I wished to be like them one day. I had the same feeling while in high school. When it was my turn as a senior I did not feel sophisticated, stylish or knowledgeable. I was insecure and did not know what I wanted out of life. Did anyone look up to me that same way?

There is perception of a situation and then there is reality. The focus was always looking forward to what is new and what will be the next experience. What will it feel like instead of living and enjoying the present. A change is this perception must be part of the wisdom of getting older.

My relationship with time has been very intriguing. I rushed time as a child, never wanting to be still. I was always adding on and accumulating experiences. I did not allow these experiences to be processed and allow them to resonate in me but rather I barreled on wanting more and more. One day, in a quite moment, it starts.... thinking about the experiences and perceptions I've carried with me from my childhood. With time I am now able to see how I got to where I am standing today.

I am trying to live consciously and not worry about perception and time. To be able to look back at my life with the benefit of some life experience is a gift of time and it has changed my perception.

Perception and time aka welcome to adultville!

Mother

At what point do you really feel like a mother? It has been 2 1/2 months since the birth of my daughter and it is still not real that I am a mother. It's pretty obvious since I gave birth to her that I am her mother but what is it suppose to feel like? I have been pondering this topic for sometime now.

It is the most unbelievable experience having Annabel in my life and each day she becomes more engaged in the world and with this I am more in love with her. She makes me want to be the best person I can be. I want to do better and be better. I am conscious that she will learn some of her most important life lesson through the example I set, yikes!!!

August in Manhattan

If you live in Manhattan you should not be in town for the month of August, the weather is just too brutal, it is just against the law of nature. What happened to the rental by the beach or the cabin in the catskills? Is it too late? I never seem to get it together in time. Oh well, I do love when the UES empties out for the summer and on holidays.